Just Blips in Time
by ForestSprite
Summary: Series of unrelated one-shots. Chapter 4: Ianto faces a crisis after an incident in the field. To die or not to die.
1. Goodbye

A/N: This will just be a series of short, non-connected one-shots that will be posted as they come to me. Will be rating T for now just in case, because I have no idea which direction these will go.

Summary: Ianto says good-bye

Good-bye

Jack looked from his lover, to the beautiful woman at the bar, to his lover and back again. "Just go already," a resigned voice startled him from his contemplation of the leggy red-head at the bar. He turned a sheepish gaze to his lover who wasn't even looking at him and had somehow caught his wandering eye still.

"I'm not stupid. I know I'm not your only bed partner, just go," he said dismissively sipping at his whiskey.

Feeling stupid for being caught out but taking the permission for what it was he leaned forward and brushed a chaste kiss against the other man's cheek. "Thanks Ianto," he said getting up.

"Good-bye Jack," Ianto said in return to the man's departing back, drowning the rest of the whiskey in one go.


	2. The Wall at His Back Keeps Him Up

A/N: This will just be a series of short, non-connected one-shots that will be posted as they come to me. Will be rating T for now just in case, because I have no idea which direction these will go.

Summary: Ianto and Jack argue and possibly make up.

The Wall at His Back is all that is Keeping Him Up

"You're acting like a child throwing a tantrum against the world," Ianto yelled angrily. "I'm sorry you're going to live a long time and I'm sorry that it's going to hurt like hell at times but you need to accept that now and move on or you're going to become even more miserable than you already are."

"I am not miserable," Jack hissed crowding against the man.

"Really? So, you just throw yourself into every messy, horrible death because you enjoy living do you?" Ianto asked archly, standing his ground.

Jack yelled, practically roared, as he threw himself at Ianto slamming him back against the wall. "You know nothing. Nothing!"

The younger man, though winded by the sudden attack, kept steady blue eyes on the immortal. "You're right, I don't. I can't because I haven't lived as long as you have already and I don't have to look forward to see an eternity of pain, not know when and if there will be good times, and not know when it ends, if it ends. I know that I get to end sometime. Do you?"

The fight went out of Jack as he slumped against Ianto, who was thankful for the wall at his back, and choked out, "I don't know."

That was that and he cried into the crook of Ianto's neck letting out a broken, "I don't know," every now and then and Ianto was still thankful for the wall at his back keeping _him_ up.


	3. It's not Supposed to be Like This

Summary: They all survive CoE but there are no happy endings.

A/N: Extreme angst up ahead. Sorry. It seems to be all I can write right now. If someone wants something happy though I'd be willing to try if they give me a prompt.

It's Not Supposed To Be Like This

"How's it going Love?" Gwen asked peering over his shoulder to take in the multiple screens he had running as she carefully set a coffee for him in a place where it was unlikely to be knocked over at. A frown marred her features as she took a closer study of the screens when he didn't reply but remained fully focused on the matter at hand tapping away hurriedly on the keyboard. "Ianto, what's all this?"

"Can't talk. Focusing," he shot out and she turned her attention from the glowing screen to his worn and drawn face. Dark circles rested under his eyes like bruises and normally cleared and focused eyes were bloodshot and droopy. Her heart ached to find he'd lost weight again, his skin pulled tight against sharp cheekbones. She fought against the tears that threatened to spill, not wanting to break his focus, which he would do for her.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

They had lived to see another day

They had saved the world.

It wasn't supposed to be like THIS.

She was brought back to the present by the soft oath uttered by her friend and watched as he slumped back into his chair, exhaustion evident, hands dropping from the keyboard as slowly, one by one, the various screens cleared and disappeared. She was in awe.

"What was that?" she tried again.

"Mainframe, I was trying to format our new systems with her but she's been difficult since—" he stopped and didn't say anymore and she didn't push. They were thinking the same thing probably anyway. Mainframe hadn't been the only thing that had been different since—since the explosion that'd almost killed them all. Since the five days of hell that had turned her world upside down and inside out. Since everything she thought to be a single fact had ended up a lie. Since—

"Where is he?" she asked. She didn't need to say who he was and Ianto didn't need to ask.

He shrugged, "Probably on the pull."

He said it like it didn't matter.

Like it didn't hurt.

She wondered how much of it was resignation. How badly did he need to lie to himself to make it easier?

It was all WRONG.

She'd come to learn many truths in her time at Torchwood.

1. Aliens were real.

2. Aliens were like people. They could be good, bad, or both.

3. Torchwood employees don't live long.

4. Before they worried too much about anything from beyond the stars they had their own monsters to deal with at home (i.e. cannibals, people who butchered helpless creatures, etc.)

5. Jack and Ianto are an item whether they recognize it or not.

Except—except the last one evidently wasn't true or hadn't been trust at least since—but maybe before _then_ even. But it was what she'd known and with her world crumbling around her and the government betraying them it's what she needed to believe, but it just didn't. Work. That. Way.

It had started small at first: their conversations becoming less frequent, flirting to an extreme minimum, and she thought it stress but then they stopped leaving together, and coming in together, and being along together that she felt after all that'd happened the bottom had finally dropped out of her world, and she was stumbling, and flailing and it wasn't supposed to happen like THIS.

Jack had taken to being broody and disappearing for long periods of time while Ianto would smile wanly, and continue on as though he hadn't almost just died, and he was perfectly okay. Except… except, his eyes would give him away.

He was not okay. She was losing him and she wasn't sure she could get him back. Wasn't sure he would want to come back and her heart broke all over again.

Jack was a bastard.

It wasn't her place to step in and tell Ianto that though. It wasn't her place to tell him to get over Jack and find someone better who would care and wouldn't leave him for the first pretty being that looked their way. It wasn't her place but it didn't stop her from imagining all the things she'd like to say to Jack (but wouldn't) and all the times she wanted to slap him for the disappearing light she saw in Ianto's eyes every time Jack came back with a spring in his step, a goofy, sated grin on his face, and hickeys on his neck.

It wasn't her place but she was losing him and it just WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS.

"You look tired," she said to fill in the silence that was spreading between them because she had to reach out. She knew she was losing him and it wasn't fair for him to survive everything he'd been through only to go like this. It wasn't right. He was bloody Torchwood. Where was his bang? She couldn't accept the whimper, wouldn't accept a whimper, and wasn't going to contemplate the idea of accepting a whimper.

The look he gave her said he knew what she was trying to do and just give up already. Please.

Moisture filled her eyes.

The alarm chose that time to go off to indicate the arrival of someone and since her and Ianto where already there she had a good idea who it was going to be. She straightened up and glowered at the door, watching with a distinct lack of caring as Jack came in. A much better mood then he'd been the night before if the bright grin on his face was anything to go by but she didn't care about his entrance.

What she cared about was the last flicker of light she saw depart from Ianto's eyes and knew that she had really lost him and there was nothing she could do anymore. She had to accept it.

That night before she left to go home she hesitated by Ianto's desk. On a fit of impulse she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him a tight hug and kissed his forehead. She left with tears blurring her view.

The next morning when she came in she wasn't surprised to find his desk empty with a small post-it note. When Jack came in and found her staring blankly at the desk he wandered over with a joke and a smile that fell as he read the note. He looked stunned, surprised and then broken as he ran for the main computer; the one that had the CCTV shouting loudly, word's that didn't quite penetrate through the fog that filled her mind.

In the silence, the sound of something shattering could be heard as her eyes stared unwavering at the note:

**_It wasn't supposed to be like this._**  
**_I'm sorry I couldn't do more. Be more. Be enough._**  
**_I'm through._**

**_ -IJ _**


	4. He was dying

Summary: Ianto is made into a part of the team as a means of necessity after Jack leaves and goes out into the field with them when missions dictate. The latest mission evidently also dictated he wasn't supposed to escape unscathed if he can escape at all.

A/N: Someone give me a prompt and I just might be able to write something that's not so angsty. Leave me alone with my mind for too long though and all we'll be getting is depressing bits and bobs like this.

**Death in a Back Alley- how typical**

Ianto laughed a bit hysterically. It was hilarious. Everything was hilarious.

He was dying.

His head tipped back in the rain and he looked up into the gray sky as the world did its damned best to drown him. He was sore. He hurt.

He wasn't going to make it and that was fine.

It was alright because he'd already lived longer than he ever thought he would. Plus, there really was nothing left for him to lose anymore, he wasn't leaving anything behind that he'd regret.

Except…

"_Ianto?" _the tinny voice broke through his thoughts.

He blinked, dazed and confused and looked around to see where the voice came from.

"_Ianto, if you can hear me answer me now. We've located you, or think we have. Just hold on. Please? Just, damn it, don't you dare go into the fucking light you hear?"_

He gave a choked laugh. Tosh. His heart ached. She was probably the best thing that had ever happened to him since he came to TW3.

His eyes alighted on the blue tooth that must fell when he'd been bowled over earlier by the… thing. He was so tired he couldn't even think up a witty name for the beasty that killed him just enough that he was willing to just let himself go.

Actually, that was a lie. There was a beasty, before this beasty, that was the one that really started his death. _That_ one he could name.

Jack.

Blood roared through his head and he was seeing large spots. Not much longer now. It would figure he would die in the back of an alley. Alone. It beat death from tripping down the stairs while serving coffee any day though. Less humiliating. He was getting the chance to go out with a bang. Something he and Lisa used to promise each other they'd do. Not with a whimper, but a bang. This was a bang right? His eyes alighted momentarily on the big monstrosity not far from him, laid out in death. Yep, it was a bang alright.

He wondered, with a bit of rancor, just how Gwen was going to feel when she realized she'd sent him to his death. Hoped she'd cry. God! Death was making him into a bastard.

Now he felt cold and numb. Tired too. Was that common? Was dying really like falling asleep, because if it was he should have taken it sooner. Preferably with less pain. He gave a humorless laugh. Good thing Jack wouldn't be coming back. Running off with his doctor like that and not expecting Ianto to figure out it was _the_ Doctor. How dumb and arrogant could that man be? Ianto worked at TW1. Fool.

Nothing to regret.

"_Ianto? Ianto! Are you guys there yet?"_

"Just rounding the corner," the acerbic medic replied as he led Gwen to the trace Tosh had given them, weapon drawn in front of him. As soon as he turned the corner though he just froze and Gwen, having got no sign from him that he was going to be stopping so suddenly, ploughed into his back.

"What's wrong?"

Owen swore up a blue streak, face white and horrified.

She felt something tighten in her gut. Something that told her to turn away but she shoved past him needing to see what he saw…. and screamed a loud cry that turned into a sob.

_Finis_

(Was he alive or dead? I'll leave it to the reader.)


End file.
